2018

It’s just a few days away, but I feel like it’s already here.

2017 went by in a blur, these last few days don’t seem to make much difference.

In 2017 I drove through hail into a rainbow, and visited Greta Garbo’s House in La Quinta, CA.  That was an epic way to start the year.

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I reconnected with old friends.

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Started a yoga routine, and TRX.  I learned to do a head stand.

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My city went through a lot!

 

I got to travel a bit Florida to California:

 

We took care of the bees.

 

 

I changed my hair, and got another year older.

It was quite a 2017 for me.  I’m really looking forward to 2018.

How did 2017 treat you?  What do you look forward to in 2018?

More change

It isn’t like I thought would be all roses.  But I didn’t think I’d lose them all.

I lost them all.

The last one met me yesterday to let me know they were going on without me…for the best for them.  They would be perpetually going on without me.

So, after they all bailed on me for our trip to the Dallas Arboretum.  Our original trip was for 10/15.  One by one. They all had a really lame excuse.  I continued to reach out.  To stay connected the last couple weeks.  I finally got a response.

The messenger was nervous.  Her hands shook.  They were moving on without me to the place I introduced them.  They are going next week, mid week, without me…to my place the Dallas Arboretum.  She felt a bit guilty for that, as it was my idea…but “so what”?

They would be continually moving on.  They had other priorities.  

I don’t know when I’ve lost so many people in such a short period of time….all women, all who were supposed to be my friends.  The ultimate result of “so what?”

There are days when I sincerely dislike women.  Groups of women who cling together instead of having individual thought. But how did This happen?   I thought I had a better insight, a better creep-o-meter?  

The unintended consequences of “so what”.

Today, I am grasping for gratitude.  So I go back to the basics.

I’m grateful for life and breath, a husband who loves me beyond measure, beautiful sons, bees, a new job.

So I send my former friends off with appreciation for supporting me over the last year.

I wish I still fit in, but I send you off with all my best. 

Onward we go.

Pondering

  
Tomorrow marks 1 year since my mother passed away.  2015 has been almost as difficult as 2014.              But 2015 has had some good emotional healing.

I’ve come to treasure my time alone.  It is almost a natural state to me now, as being still and waiting.

It’s October


Oh my….September, Summer, 2015 its all fast disappearing in my rear view mirror.

My favorite part of the year is here.  When the sun changes, softens, mellows.  When the days get shorter, natures color changes, and the world takes on a new look.  It’s almost sleepy, this look.

Nature, settling down for a winters nap.

Today, I’m grateful for changes in seasons, mellow sunshine, a day at the Arboretum, and a tutorial in shopping at Trader Joes.

Newest addition to the nutritional experiment

  

Here I am in my 2nd week of improving my nutrition with small easy changes.

I started with coconut oil, added bee pollen, then coconut water.

Today I added a cup of warm lemon water first thing.

This is strange for me.  I’m generally stumbling for my coffee first. What would make me reach for warm lemon water?  I read an article on  Health Beckon.com that described the benefits of this ritual such as improved immune system, improved mineral absorption, and a natural diuretic.  There’s more, but this was what I was looking for.  

If the bee pollen has all the minerals the body needs, but the body can’t absorb it, I’m wasting my time.  My goal is to optimize my health, not take bee pollen, right?

What have I noticed in the last 9 days?

My joints are moving better.  My knees and my knuckles aren’t as stiff.  My hands aren’t so puffy.  I’m not craving salty snacks.  My appetite has reduced, I’m satisfied with normal portions.  No weight loss to talk about.

I’m feeling lighter of mood.  I’m laughing more, which makes my family happy.  

I think this last addition will be sufficient for a while.  I have natural fats to support my brain and heart, natural minerals to support my nervous system and cellular health, I have a good hydration to make sure my organs function properly, and a morning start to help my digestion and immune system.  

Now I will take some time to make sure that I take good care of myself, and track the progress of what I’m establishing.

For my spiritual health, today I will meditate on Psalm 103:1-4.  I’m visualizing myself completely worshiping the Lord, forgiven, healed, renewed and restored.  That’s the Wendy I have in my mind, the forgiven, healed, renewed, and restored. A Healthy, energetic, lively, and fun Wendy as she is supposed to be.

Today, I’m grateful for Sunday, new friends, working the bees on Friday, and having some fun in between.

Tuesday night reunions

In 1983 I met my friend Cheryl Johnson. We were both Freshmen, both Communication Majors, Horse fanatics, dance fanatics, and to boot….we looked like sisters. Big hair, shoulder pads, et al.

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I was the Matron of Honor at her wedding in 1987. I made her bouquet. She wore my wedding dress.

We traveled in and out of each others lives in the early 90’s and tried to stay in touch in 1999. We parted that year for multiple reasons, but she always stayed in my heart and prayers.

She reached out to me a couple months ago. Had it really been almost 15 years?

I heard her voice for the first time last week. We talked live on the phone instead of via email. We agreed to meet last night.

I got to the restaurant early (go figure, as I am terminally early). I headed for the ladies room, unusually nervous. Gathering myself together, I head back out. She is standing at the entry looking as nervous and unsure as me. I almost ran toward her. I couldn’t wait to hug her up and cry.

We had a lovely meal, a margarita, shared stories, and realized we are both better people now, then we were 15 years ago.

It is baby steps to figure out how our lives might fit together at this stage.

I’m so happy for her. She has adopted a 10 year old from foster care. She is happily re-married and has a ranch. Her family is doing well, and she is taking a new view on life.

Sometimes friendships come full circle. We aren’t the 80’s party dolls we once were. We aren’t newly weds. We aren’t young professionals or young mothers. Yet we have been through all of those things together, and a little more.

Today I am grateful for a life long friend who still “gets me”, who I “still get”, and the hope of her being a part of life going forward.

I am also very grateful for those of you who encouraged me to accept her efforts when I was so nervous about it. You were right. It was a very good reunion.

Goodbye to my mother

It is the end.

The 4 year battle with leiomyosarcoma is over. Diagnosed at stage 4 with masses in the abdomen, lungs, and brain, we have finished, and my mother is home.

Radiation, chemo, surgery, and experimental studies at MD Anderson.

At 2:10 this morning, my mother let go of this earthly realm, and went home.

One thing that she and I could agree on was her winning options. “Philippians 1:22-23 But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. ”

We agreed when she was diagnosed that either way; healing, testimony and ministry, or going to heaven, she wins. There is no loss when death has been defeated by Jesus finished work. Her Peace is now complete, and I can see her in my future.

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So my dear friends, as I go through the social conventions of death, burial, and holidays, please send me your prayers and best thoughts, as I hold my head up amongst the wolves of convention who don’t know me, as I say “thank you” to the religious seekers, as I suffer the condemnation of those that don’t share my view on death, Jesus, or boundaries….send loving thoughts my way.

I didn’t share my mothers hobbies, habits, tastes, preferences, friends, church, or opinions on what “truth” means in communication between human beings related to one another….but she is the only human being who gave me birth and life, and taught me every important lesson on what not to do to your family, how not to treat your children, and to have standards without apology.

I chose the red dress for my mom’s final viewing. I chose the upbeat songs. I send her off with a waive of my hand to the sky, knowing that she isn’t here, she is enjoying heaven, and I will see her again someday, and we will finally have a good relationship.

Thanks mom.