My life of rejection, time to break the pattern.

It starts with….you were an accident.  We weren’t ready.  I was too young.  You were too difficult.  

It proceeds to “I’m leaving your dad.  I’m in love.  Don’t you want me to be happy?”

It moves on to:  if you don’t behave the way I want, go away.

Lose weight, or you are grounded.

You can throw that up…stick your finger down your throat….that’s what the models do.

Then it’s:  too bad you are fat, you have a pretty face. I wish I still weighed 117 pounds.  That was fat in my house.

Then we graduate to:  you know that God doesn’t approve of that. 

It peaks with being preached at graveside about why your mother couldn’t stand you.

Then, it is just a series of serial selfishness, and I realize that I’m falling into the same patterns over and over again.

I choose people knowing and expecting the rejection, and I think my behavior is setting me up for the repetitive behavior.

It’s time to break the pattern, cause this is dumb.

My paradigm is shifting, and I am moving on.  This broken record, and the latest new excuse is finished.

I’m looking forward to something better.  I’m not going to stop until I find that something better.

My husband was so funny when I talked to him about this.  He laughed and said, “I guess I was your one good decision”.

I love that man.

All the pain won’t be wasted.

Something really good is coming my way.