Is there a place?
Is there a time?
How to express the righteous anger of WTF?
I’m not sure I’m up to another manipulation.
What do you do?
How do you cope?
What do you feel?
How do you overcome?
Please share….I need your input.
A terrible admission of self censorship and looking over my shoulder.
Sometimes I hold back on things I want to write. The boiling things that come up, I write in private not wanting to impose them into the blogosphere. “What if no one likes it?” “What if I lose my readers and friends?” “What if someone really sees me and says “yuck”?
So cheers to authenticity. Cheers to being real. And sorry if I turn anyone off in the process, I respect your need to go or stay. You are treasured, and I respect your choice, this is just me.
Today I am grateful for just being real, the freedom to just be, and those authentic, audacious souls who have come across my path that I enjoy so completely. I adore you for being you.
I’m reflective today.
Plowing through the shredding of tax returns I found in my mom’s attic, last month. I’m wondering if she kept these remnants from 1989 because she thought she needed to, or because she had the room? I suspect it was because she had the room.
Looking back at January:
We got through the Estate Sale, the cleaning out of the attics, and finally the sale of the property.
We dealt with attorneys, big garbage days, (both were surprisingly alike) boxes and boxes of old greeting cards, ceramic chickens, bunnies in all forms, garden art, 400 pound cement statues, and demanding realtors.
Hot water? Yes. Pressure? Undoubtedly.
We closed out eyes and plowed through. And now we find ourselves on the other side…a little tired, a little nostalgic, and quite relieved.
The tasks performed I will consider a bit of exercise equipment to make me stronger for the tasks ahead.
To find some gratitude in my reflections, I will say that I am grateful we came through. I’m grateful so much was completed swiftly and that we are done with April Sound. I’m grateful for my husband and his support.
The last 60, no the last 360 days have handed me hurdle upon hurdle. Break upon break. I’m not saying others don’t have it worse than I. I’m just dealing with what has past, and looking forward thinking of what it has taught me.
When I saw this on Pinterest it spoke to me like nothing has in a while.
Instead of looking at the wounds as ugly scars to be hidden, I now look at them as the wounds that have created a more beautiful soul.
One who is more thoughtful. One who is more choosy in phrasing a request, or a correction. One who isn’t ashamed of what I’ve gone through.
I’ve thought about the power of my words to uplift and heal, or tear down and harm.
Sorry isn’t enough, neither is holding a grudge. But The One who put us together can, through the beauty of forgiveness make us more beautiful for being broken.
What are you doing to let go and be put back together in a more beautiful way?
It may be mid-January, so I am running late. All the more reason for my “word” for this year.
Grace for difficulties
Grace for relationships
Grace for working hard
Grace for sleeping well at night
Grace for growing older
Grace for accepting things I can’t change
Grace for speaking clearly
Grace for balancing family, friends, and work
Grace makes everything flow better. There will be difficulty, there will be joy.
2015 will be my year for embracing Grace while I continue to cultivate Gratitude.
Cheers my friends!
If you have defined a “word” for the upcoming year, please share it! I’d love to hear.
It is the end.
The 4 year battle with leiomyosarcoma is over. Diagnosed at stage 4 with masses in the abdomen, lungs, and brain, we have finished, and my mother is home.
Radiation, chemo, surgery, and experimental studies at MD Anderson.
At 2:10 this morning, my mother let go of this earthly realm, and went home.
One thing that she and I could agree on was her winning options. “Philippians 1:22-23 But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. ”
We agreed when she was diagnosed that either way; healing, testimony and ministry, or going to heaven, she wins. There is no loss when death has been defeated by Jesus finished work. Her Peace is now complete, and I can see her in my future.
So my dear friends, as I go through the social conventions of death, burial, and holidays, please send me your prayers and best thoughts, as I hold my head up amongst the wolves of convention who don’t know me, as I say “thank you” to the religious seekers, as I suffer the condemnation of those that don’t share my view on death, Jesus, or boundaries….send loving thoughts my way.
I didn’t share my mothers hobbies, habits, tastes, preferences, friends, church, or opinions on what “truth” means in communication between human beings related to one another….but she is the only human being who gave me birth and life, and taught me every important lesson on what not to do to your family, how not to treat your children, and to have standards without apology.
I chose the red dress for my mom’s final viewing. I chose the upbeat songs. I send her off with a waive of my hand to the sky, knowing that she isn’t here, she is enjoying heaven, and I will see her again someday, and we will finally have a good relationship.
I think I will go chrome.
As I contemplate my next color session and hair cut, I consider again letting the chrome come through.
I wonder, if I go chrome, what sort of maintenance will that take?
It will probably be less expensive, that’s for sure.
Long, chrome, and curly….That might be my next venture.
Happy Wednesday. Go hug up all those you love.