The Eye Test

It’s been 10 years.

So I booked an appointment with the eye doctor.

Things have changed.

Yes, you have to read lines.

Yes, you have to look in weird machines.

No dilation, a very intrusive close up photo of the back of my eye.

A very cute young doctor. Eye candy?

Yes, it was a good thing I went to the doctor.

I guess you are officially old when you have Cataracts.

My night vision is getting challenging.

We will start with new glasses.

Then, we will talk about surgery.

My husband had his cataract surgery in December, and now sees 20/20 and doesn’t need readers at all.

I’m supremely jealous of his new vision.

I’m not at all afraid of the surgery.

I’m ready to see clearly again.

I’m grateful for new knowledge, and good doctors.

Never eat at the bar alone.

I had been out making sales calls, finished up the morning and took my car at lunch for the needed oil change.

The line was long for the oil change, so I Uber’d to a nearby place for lunch.

Being by myself, and being lunch I opted to eat at the bar.

There was a couple, and a solo, older man already there, and they were mostly finished with lunch. I dug thru my purse for my expense receipts, business cards, et al so I could update my expense account, and my CRM.

The older man (late 60’s early 70’s) was to my left. He was a chatty guy. He had been conversing with the couple, and he turned to me. “I love your dimples. Do you know what they mean?” I responded politely “not sure, there are lots of stories”. He said “It means you’ve been kissed by God”. I replied with a little nervous chuckle, ” I had heard ‘kissed by angels, before.” I was Hoping that was the end of the discussion. But no. Innocuous conversation about what I do, He noticed my wedding ring, asked about my husband. He wanted to know if I had children, made a comment that “I looked too ‘young’ to have boys their age.” We talked about the Astros, as there is a big game tonight. More personal questions ensued. Then My Creep-O-Meter got too loud to ignore, and I HAD NO IDEA what to do! For a gal who always has a plan….this created an issue for me.

It’s been so long since anyone has flirted with me I was dumbfounded, and in desperate need to flee.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.

I ordered an Uber back to the auto shop, and the poor Uber driver…..I made no sense to him at all, I was that rattled.

The sad thing is I’m completely out of practice turning those situations around. They are easy to diffuse, and I remember being good at it a long time ago. He was a single, older man, looking for a date, conversation, probably more. That is ok. I’m just so out of practice, I couldn’t be graceful in my “No thank you”, and still continue a polite conversation.

Truly, I think that ability is a woman’s power–To Be graceful . Graceful in conversation, and graceful in the No Thank You —when a man is just being a guy….Probably feeling as awkward as I did.

I think what rattled me most was my belief that no one would be interested in flirting with me. That sort of shook me.

What a wake up call to sharpen a long dusty, rusty, skill set of being part of the human race. Flirting, conversing, or just Being an interesting and kind person to all that I can is important. For sure, there are enough jerks out there.

No need to be awkward about it. Now, where do I practice my “No Thanks” graceful, lady like phrases?

It’s times like these, I appreciate my husband’s presence. He’s a wonderful covering, and one of the reasons I’m out of practice.

Early mornings, changes, and observations

Since Maximus came to live with us in August, my sleep has changed.

Max doing really well with the house training, and can go almost till 5 am before he’s got to go outside.

I have found that I wake up about 4:30 am in anticipation of the puppy’s needs.

It’s funny how much better I feel, waking up early. My biometric clock is reset, and the effects are good.

Once the puppy is taken care of outside, he’s hungry. Max and Dolly get their morning treats of dental biscuits, Cheerios, and maybe a carrot for Max. The Cheerios is a long story, maybe I’ll share it another time.

I put the coffee on, get my husband’s lunch together. He’s got the pumpkin and goat cheese quiche this week. I threw some Halloween candy in for him today on a whim. I wonder what he will think when he opens up his lunch box?

Since the hubs leaves the house early, we’ve had time to sit for a few minutes and have coffee before he leaves. It makes a nice start to the day.

Before Max came, my husband took care of the dogs, (which is why they get Cheerios) he made the coffee, put together his own lunch and kissed me awake before he left for work.

I think I like this new morning routine better, I know my husband does!

Perfectionist’s Escapee.

Image from Pinterest:

It was a difficult lesson to learn.

I never understood why I was never enough,

Nothing ever good enough,

There was always a flaw.

And that was always the talking point.

The shame I felt growing up, carried through too long.

Overcompensation became the driving force.

Be better, do better, fight harder, hide, hide hide. Be two people, the real one, the fake one.

Hide the failures, don’t speak of the pain, don’t bring up how you feel…

Don’t ever show weakness…Don’t let anyone know if you screwed up.

Lessons learned, don’t pass on the curse of the perfectionist.

Guard the boys, lift them up, show them it’s ok to learn from mistakes, and how to deal with failure. Make sure they know that they are more important than any possession, any material object. They are the treasure, they are my treasure.

Perfectionism, I spit on perfection. It’s an illusion. Needy people who drag down anything around them so that they can feel superior. Vampiric in nature, demanding, drowning, desperate to stay perfect, destroying anything that comes in her path.

For as many years as I’ve been free from the Vampire, when I’m weak, tired, or struggling, she sits at the window and laughs at me, demanding that I take her back.

She doesn’t know that I can still resist her. She is the lesson, and when she comes to call, she is the exercise equipment that I use to continue to keep her in my rear view mirror. She strengthened me, and continues to strengthen my resolve to stay free from her grip. She has already lost. I no longer fear my failures, imperfections, or mistakes, I now can laugh at them.

Got Spark?

I think I need to rediscover mine.

Drawing back, hiding, needing comfort food is not a regular thing for me.

As I dig down to what the root of the issue might be, I’m grateful for reminders, good messages, and the encouragement of friends.

Have a great week everyone!

Freeing myself

When I clocked how much time was stolen online, outside of work. I realized the problem is with me.

I have to free myself from some of this.

You talk too much

When I’m in the mood to talk, I tend to gush. Same thing for writing.

I may have gone too far with a friend of mine who let me know that they weren’t interested in my email correspondence. Oh well.

Onward and upward?

Life lessons

I saw this on Pinterest this morning and it hit home with me.

So much of my life decisions can be traced back to not so great experiences that I decided that I either didn’t want to repeat, or pass on.

My parenting style for example, while not perfect, was developed by not wanting to make the same mistakes that my parents made. I was really candid with my boys once they graduated from high school about my mistakes as I saw them, and asked them to forgive me and learn from them. It was really cool moment in our relationships.

My marriage has been specifically designed to keep at bay the mistakes my parents made. We are doing just fine making our own dumb mistakes.

I got into the mortgage business after I bought my first house, and knew that I could do 100% better job than the loan officer who did my loan. 26 years later, I’m still in the business, and I’m still getting better at it.

I think about how many times I’ve been in a situation, and I get a vision of how it could be improved, and what I would do differently.

Life is full of lessons and unaware teachers.