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It was a difficult lesson to learn.
I never understood why I was never enough,
Nothing ever good enough,
There was always a flaw.
And that was always the talking point.
The shame I felt growing up, carried through too long.
Overcompensation became the driving force.
Be better, do better, fight harder, hide, hide hide. Be two people, the real one, the fake one.
Hide the failures, don’t speak of the pain, don’t bring up how you feel…
Don’t ever show weakness…Don’t let anyone know if you screwed up.
Lessons learned, don’t pass on the curse of the perfectionist.
Guard the boys, lift them up, show them it’s ok to learn from mistakes, and how to deal with failure. Make sure they know that they are more important than any possession, any material object. They are the treasure, they are my treasure.
Perfectionism, I spit on perfection. It’s an illusion. Needy people who drag down anything around them so that they can feel superior. Vampiric in nature, demanding, drowning, desperate to stay perfect, destroying anything that comes in her path.
For as many years as I’ve been free from the Vampire, when I’m weak, tired, or struggling, she sits at the window and laughs at me, demanding that I take her back.
She doesn’t know that I can still resist her. She is the lesson, and when she comes to call, she is the exercise equipment that I use to continue to keep her in my rear view mirror. She strengthened me, and continues to strengthen my resolve to stay free from her grip. She has already lost. I no longer fear my failures, imperfections, or mistakes, I now can laugh at them.