It’s been 3 years since my mother passed at the end of this month.
Do I remember if it was the 28th, 29th, 30th. No. My brother does. It was harder on him.
I had a difficult relationship with my mom. As often as I would try to reconcile, she would change the rules.
Her message to me was that I was never enough. She had expectations, and I could never fill them. She was the ultimate victim, utterly disappointed.
I came across a passage in an article about Narcissitic Aging. It hit home with me, and all I could feel was sympathy.
She missed out on so much……Especially with her grandsons. Her last night on earth, She was surrounded by her last two friends from tennis, a well meaning, but co-dependent couple. Their role as her care giver/martyr was everything they wanted. It was what she wanted too.
The very last time I left her prestigious gated community and saw it fading in my rear view mirror, I never went back. A door that needed closing clicked shut, and it was good.
I did my best. In the grand scheme of things, I can live with that. When I read this passage, it made me sad for her, but she ultimately made her choices. I believe she’s in a better place, and free from the torment of nothing ever being enough.
‘An ironic twist of fate…
Their enemy will be their memories.
They can never undo what they’ve done.
They can’t escape their thoughts
When they find themselves alone
Unloved and abandoned.
When their evil has been uncovered,
The truth will pursue them,
Wherever they go.’