It starts with….you were an accident. We weren’t ready. I was too young. You were too difficult.
It proceeds to “I’m leaving your dad. I’m in love. Don’t you want me to be happy?”
It moves on to: if you don’t behave the way I want, go away.
Lose weight, or you are grounded.
You can throw that up…stick your finger down your throat….that’s what the models do.
Then it’s: too bad you are fat, you have a pretty face. I wish I still weighed 117 pounds. That was fat in my house.
Then we graduate to: you know that God doesn’t approve of that.
It peaks with being preached at graveside about why your mother couldn’t stand you.
Then, it is just a series of serial selfishness, and I realize that I’m falling into the same patterns over and over again.
I choose people knowing and expecting the rejection, and I think my behavior is setting me up for the repetitive behavior.
It’s time to break the pattern, cause this is dumb.
My paradigm is shifting, and I am moving on. This broken record, and the latest new excuse is finished.
I’m looking forward to something better. I’m not going to stop until I find that something better.
My husband was so funny when I talked to him about this. He laughed and said, “I guess I was your one good decision”.
I love that man.
All the pain won’t be wasted.
Something really good is coming my way.