It starts with….you were an accident. We weren’t ready. I was too young. You were too difficult.
It proceeds to “I’m leaving your dad. I’m in love. Don’t you want me to be happy?”
It moves on to: if you don’t behave the way I want, go away.
Lose weight, or you are grounded.
You can throw that up…stick your finger down your throat….that’s what the models do.
Then it’s: too bad you are fat, you have a pretty face. I wish I still weighed 117 pounds. That was fat in my house.
Then we graduate to: you know that God doesn’t approve of that.
It peaks with being preached at graveside about why your mother couldn’t stand you.
Then, it is just a series of serial selfishness, and I realize that I’m falling into the same patterns over and over again.
I choose people knowing and expecting the rejection, and I think my behavior is setting me up for the repetitive behavior.
It’s time to break the pattern, cause this is dumb.
I’m looking forward to something better. I’m not going to stop until I find that something better.
My husband was so funny when I talked to him about this. He laughed and said, “I guess I was your one good decision”.
I love that man.
All the pain won’t be wasted.
Something really good is coming my way.