My life of rejection, time to break the pattern.

It starts with….you were an accident.  We weren’t ready.  I was too young.  You were too difficult.  

It proceeds to “I’m leaving your dad.  I’m in love.  Don’t you want me to be happy?”

It moves on to:  if you don’t behave the way I want, go away.

Lose weight, or you are grounded.

You can throw that up…stick your finger down your throat….that’s what the models do.

Then it’s:  too bad you are fat, you have a pretty face. I wish I still weighed 117 pounds.  That was fat in my house.

Then we graduate to:  you know that God doesn’t approve of that. 

It peaks with being preached at graveside about why your mother couldn’t stand you.

Then, it is just a series of serial selfishness, and I realize that I’m falling into the same patterns over and over again.

I choose people knowing and expecting the rejection, and I think my behavior is setting me up for the repetitive behavior.

It’s time to break the pattern, cause this is dumb.

My paradigm is shifting, and I am moving on.  This broken record, and the latest new excuse is finished.

I’m looking forward to something better.  I’m not going to stop until I find that something better.

My husband was so funny when I talked to him about this.  He laughed and said, “I guess I was your one good decision”.

I love that man.

All the pain won’t be wasted.

Something really good is coming my way. 

24 thoughts on “My life of rejection, time to break the pattern.

  1. Absolutely something good is coming your way! I’m sorry your childhood was so difficult, but you are a survivor not a victim. I recognize that in you because you are strong enough to talk about your painful past and because every time the rug gets pulled out from under you, you keep getting back up. We don’t always see or understand why things happen the way they do. I’m especially glad your husband is so supportive. Hang in there, Wendy! Prayers for you!

  2. Oh Wendy, this is so empowering. You know what they say, “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. And you are strong and you can let go of the old patterns, you’ve already started by recognising where you are and what you do and don’t want.
    I love that quote, it’s so true … everything happens for a reason and yes, something good is coming your way. Believe it, it’ll happen. Warmest wishes to you. xo

  3. I’ve always found that people who choose to disparage others are insecure in their own lives and only feel better by attempting to make others feel less about themselves. If the quote you chose to put on here is your mindset, your redirection of life will find you happiness and success, in spite of the ignorance and insensitivity of others. You go girl.

  4. keep heading in that direction and know that what you say is true. you are stronger than those in your past who tried to take you down with them.

  5. Allow me to be blunt??? Fuck them….Fuck whoever made you feel this way. Easier said than done but you are a diamond…you are beautiful, you are exquisite. I’m so happy you have your amazing hubby. Hugs and holding up my wine glass to you…Cheers to Wendy 💕

  6. I’m SO glad you posted this, and I completely relate to the embarrassment of waking up to your post the next day and wondering if you should delete it. I grew up in a house where my dad openly threatened to divorce my mom if she gained weight. I was naturally skinny when I was younger, but when I started gaining weight as an adult, I turned to anorexia and bulimia. For years, I consisted on a 600 calorie diet, and I forced myself to throw up after every meal. I’m not at my ideal weight now,but I’ve broken my dangerous patterns, and am thankful to have a partner who loves and accepts me as I am. Thanks for being brave enough to post this, Wendy.

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