Sometimes when you stumble, you get the full frontal knowledge of humble.
It’s difficult to move forward effectively when you are looking backwards.
Walking the dogs this morning, I started pouring over the last year. The trials, the arguments, the obstinacy, the irrational selfishness, the materialistic, petty, stupidity over crappy ‘stuff’…..It ran like a movie through my head. The look on my mother’s face as she cursed me, belittled my efforts, and demanded more and more while extolling the virtues of her enabling co-dependent friends. All the while I watched as things fell apart around her, and was powerless to act on her behalf. The law suit from the step siblings over things that my brother and I never wanted and told them we would make sure got back to them. Not being able to get my brother to listen to the medical issues, and the concerns I had. Not being able to function on my job. Hospitals, funeral homes, airports, rental cars, consultations, rehabilitation sites, physical therapy, plans, interference. Ka BOOM!
It literally took falling down on my face in the sidewalk to get the movie to stop playing in my head.
I had two wet noses in my face, checking me over in two shakes of a dog’s tail.
Sweet dogs to give me kisses of encouragement, stood by till I brushed myself off, shook the cobwebs and bad memories from my brain, wiped the tears from my face, and gave them a good petting to thank them for their selfless love for me.
When I got home, my phone rang. My husband calling to check in for the morning heard the stress in my voice. I got another talking to about my posture, my skin, and how I’ve lost my sparkle. He went on to tell me how important it is for me to keep focusing on taking care of myself. Ouch.
On the positive side, I know he is concerned for me. I’m getting better, but I’m still not fully recovered from all of the events from last year through May.
Humbled. I’ve stumbled, and I’m humbled. Time to work on getting better, and that means looking forward, not behind.
I’m very grateful today to have a man who loves me enough to confront me in my state, encourage me to do better, and gives me the time and space to do it.
I’m grateful for puppy dogs to kiss me better when I fall.
I’m grateful for reminders, to keep looking forward….the best is yet to be.